 |
| |
|
|
|
Obama won! WOO HOO!!! I was at the rally... WOO HOO!!!
That's all I've got... |
|
| | hide comments | | | |
|
|
|
A few days ago I had this really trippy dream, and it’s stuck with me. I dreamt that my sister had a duckbill platypus… it was Technicolor, think Joseph’s amazing dreamcoat of…, and in this golden cage. I was sitting there watching it one day… and it squeezed out of the cage (which isn’t that far fetched… if you’ve even had a pair of 24-carat gold earrings, you know how easy gold is to bend)… I just sat there and watched it get out.
When my family got home, it was running around the house. We had to catch it and then everyone decided to entrust it to me.
I woke up, and when I went back to sleep it was smaller, but still with me. It stayed in my purse. The dream was different, but the platypus was still with me.
I kept waking up and going back to sleep. When I’d go back to sleep, I’d have a new dream, but I’d still have the same task of keeping the duckbilled Technicolor platypus safe in my purse, but it was smaller each time.
Last dream, I’m sitting in class, but it’s in the church building that I went to growing up. The duck was tini-tiny at this point, think beetle sized. It jumped out of my purse and scurried down the aisle. I caught it by pinching it up, and put it back in my purse… Then it crawled out, while I was taking notes on unicorns (which was weird, but unicorns have played into my conversations a few times lately…) I lost it for good… It was so sad.
I woke up at about 6am, and had to get up. I felt so sad, which is ridiculous. I felt like I had really lost my sister’s duckbilled platypus.
Right… It’s weird, I know… I think I have control issues… or weird dreams… either way, sorry for losing your Technicolor platypus, Libby. |
|
| | hide comments | | | |
|
|
|
I've had a really hard time lately, but I'm also really enjoying life. Have you ever had that?
I'm trying to figure out how I'm supposed to be trusting people in my life. I was recently told to trust someone while they were betraying that trust. I'm not connecting this to a situation, and please no direct comments on this... But instead, maybe on how you recover from that... I mean... How do you continue to live in a trusting and functional manner, when you've had someone you care about so much betray you in such a bold faced manner? How do you trust anyone in your life, after someone does that to you? And how do you stay friends with that person... you care about them, but you really don't feel like they care about you at all... How do you deal?
I'm a good person, and I like to think that people would really strive to not hurt me. It just blows my mind. I'm trying to deal with this as a good person. I find myself crying at random times about it. I'll be in the car and start crying... or in an elevator... or walking down the street... I can keep it in, until I'm alone. Just trying to deal with it in a way that I feel is right is hard. It's so much more work to deal with people as a decent human being.
On the bright side, I really am enjoying Chicago. Even though I think a lot, throughout the day, about how sad it makes me that this person kicked me so hard, I really find myself finding ways to divert my attention and (honestly) anger towards productive things. I also have this appreciation for people who love me a lot and treat me well. My friend, Betsy, has been a good friend for me to have in Chicago. She doesn't just say she cares, she acts like she does. It makes me feel a lot better about trusting her. Likewise, Suzie and other friends (who don't live here) have given me the same trustworthy love to make me know that there will be a time when I don't have to think about trust in such a hypothetical and neurotic way.
I really am good... I just need to get some good ol'fashion advice on my trust stuff... So... What do you think? |
|
| | | | |
|
|
|
Coffee… The devil’s elixir… It breeds anxiety and twitching… I gives you a fake sense of energy and control. It’s merely a drug of disguise. It doesn’t makes the real problem go away… the real problem being, that you’re exhausted. You’re still exhausted, you just don’t know it!!!
I have been a bonafied coffee hater for 3 years now. I rely on the natural energy produced by my body… until yesterday…
After a tough weekend and a night of tossing and turning, I woke up, got ready, drove to work, sang in the car to keep myself chipper, sat down at my desk, opened my daunting social policy book and, in a moment of weakness, went downstairs to get water and got coffee instead… I felt guilt until I felt that guilt being squelched by energy. It made me feel energized and more capable of concentrating within minutes. I felt the glory of every crushed little bean shipped to me from the lovely coffee lords of Columbia.
I found myself breezing through ridiculous amounts of Reagan hating, neo-feminism and disguised Clinton loving, sprinkled with the occasional chart of percentages of welfare applicants in the roaring twenties through the Bush administration (organized by state and federal funding). It was all very suddenly interesting.
As I briskly highlighted to the violin strummings of Corelli tunes, I began to see the value to this captivating potion brewed in the bowels of Hades… or, in less dramatic terms… brewed in the staff room at Lutheran Social Services (which is a wonderful place, nothing like Hades…) It makes charts about innately dull topics suddenly tolerable. It makes me interested… somewhat… in the poorhouses described by Dr. Katz… Not everything that holds my attention has to be psycho-dynamic theory about my development into the avoidant (that’s the psychological term, not normal dictionary term) adult I am today. I can find interest in many different topics, now!
With the help of a few cups of coffee in the morning, a few at lunch, and a few in the afternoon, I can run the academic marathon set before me by the material compilers at the University of Chicago.
“There’s no i in teamosil… at least not where you think… Go together, let’s make a choice, and for once we’ll be in sync…”… Who knows what favorite tv show that’s from?... Well… one of my favorites… Apparently not a favorite of most Americans… (Tip… It’s a drug reference…)
|
|
| | hide comments | | | |
|
|
|
Don't you love it when life is zen?...
My life is pretty darn zen right now... forget the fact that I don't really even understand what zen means... but using it in the context, in which I've heard it used before... My life is zen.
Things fall apart, and then they fall back together. That's how it's always been for me.
Life has been a little tough for the past few months, but for the last few weeks, things have been falling back together.
I'm going to a school which, I hope, will be a perfect fit for me. I really think it will. I'm just at a heightened sense of gratefulness and peace, at this point. I hope it stays this way.
I'm out, with this thought provoking rebuttal to Winnie the Pooh... who says, "What goes up must come down, except for a balloon, which goes up and to the side..." I say... Mr. Pooh Pooh head!!! You are a pessimist! What goes down must go back up, except for a little Debbie Cake... Which drops on the ground and never floats back up, unless you're eating it in space...
AMEN! |
|
| | hide comments | | | |
|
|
