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I am still a little overwhelmed with the idea of 3 children. Not that 3 children seems overwhelming. Just that I’m overwhelmed that God has given me 3 children. I thought one was great. Two are even better. But 3! What can be cooler than that?! Well maybe 4 but we’ll just get through 3 for right now!!
So many things are going through my mind these days. August seems so far away and I don’t want to wait. But then when I think about all the things that we have to do, it seems like October might be better for us!
I don’t usually post things like this but I’m pregnant and EXTREMEMLY emotional these days and so this is a getting to know Heather kind of post!
Some of you may know that with both of my previous pregnancies I suffered from a condition called Hyperemesis Gravidarum. For us not so doctor minded people that means I threw up ALOT!
With Noelani I actually started getting sick before I even knew I was pregnant with her. At 6 weeks, it was getting pretty bad and when Frederic discovered that I was not only throwing up 5 or 6 times a day but also hadn’t gone to the bathroom in over a day he took me to the ER and in the hospital I went. I remember Frederic telling them that I couldn’t keep anything down so they gave me a cup of ice and told me to eat that. Frederic said she will throw that up too. They looked at him like he was crazy. I put one in, sucked for a minute and out it came with some water behind it. What was hard for me was that several nurses mocked me and said “You have a long road ahead of you. If you think this is bad, wait till you go into labor. You will be begging for an epidural at 1 cm if you can’t handle this now.” That hurt me so badly. This was real and it was serious (many years ago this used to kill many pregnant women) and it was hard. Harder than anything I ever did. With Noelani it lasted around 14 weeks and just like that it ended. I started getting symptoms again about a week before she was born and I actually threw up while I was in labor with her. It almost felt like I was allergic to being pregnant and my body was freaking out because it didn’t know what to do with this baby inside of it. And I gotta say that after a 19 hour labor and no drugs of any kind, labor was SO much easier than the 3 ½ months of CONSTANT vomiting and not being able to keep anything down. It was horrible and labor wasn’t easy but it didn’t last months, only 19 hours which isn’t even an entire day.
So I really thought that this wouldn’t happen to me again. Somehow I would slip through the cracks of hyperemesis and not get sick. Well in 2007, it was that same sick feeling that made Frederic go and get a pregnancy test because it had to be pregnancy since I was feeling that sick feeling again. Sure enough it was Maleia! I tried SO many things that everyone told me to do. I ate baked potatoes everyday (B vitamin in them!), I took B vitamins (some say it’s a B deficiency), I sucked on ginger (sometimes this would make me throw up!), I ate crackers before I would move, I ate crackers as I moved, I ate peppermint candies before every meal to calm my stomach and the list goes on. NOTHING worked again! Again, I was hurt by several making comments like Frederic and I shouldn’t have more children or if Frederic loved me why would he get me pregnant (like I wasn’t there when it happened!!!) or why don’t you take better care of your body and take X, Y & Z and then you will be fine or that I was weak and wasn’t tough enough to deal with pregnancy like women were back in previous generations (I find this one very funny cause the generation she was talking about was the one when women used to get knocked out for labor and delivery and they would magically wake up and the baby would be out just like that). I’m serious. Every single one of those things was said to me or my husband.
With Maleia, I didn’t get sick until I was around 8 weeks but it was so much worse. I couldn’t stand the smell of so many things. There was a time when I couldn’t stand the smell of Frederic. You may laugh but it wasn’t funny. Anytime he came by me I would throw up. We found out it was an energy bar he was eating and the smell would linger on his breath. Solution…stop eating those nasty bars! We had to switch cat food because the smell made me sick. I couldn’t be by garbage, couldn’t change diapers, couldn’t wash dishes or open up the dishwasher cause of the smell of old food, couldn’t look in the fridge cause if I saw or smelled anything that would make me sick I would throw up. I had to stop feeding Noelani watermelon and a hummus dip that she loved because I couldn’t stand it and I could smell it on her for hours after she ate it. There were times that I would hug her and start to throw up. It got so bad that I had to lie in bed and if I moved my head I would get so dizzy I would start to throw up and couldn’t stop. This lasted this way from 8 weeks till 28 weeks. I got pregnant with her in July and I was sick until the end of January.
Needless to say this is really hard on a family. My husband is amazing and for the life of me I can’t figure out why he wants more children. Well, I know why he loves and wants more children but I don’t know why he wants to have them with me! With Maleia’s pregnancy, Noelani and I ended up staying at my parent’s house for about 2 months. That was hard on us all because Frederic was concerned and missing us and couldn’t really do much for us. Noelani missed Frederic horribly bad and her behavior was suffering because I couldn’t discipline her and Frederic wasn’t around to do it. My parents were so worn out from waiting on us hand and foot. There were times I was so weak from not being able to keep anything in me that my mother would have to lift me out of the tub and dress me like a baby. She would shave my legs and brush my teeth and do my hair and give me foot massages to try to help relieve it. She got an idea to make my baths into ginger tea baths and have me eat in the tub so that it might help me keep things down. Sometimes it would work and others times it didn’t. If it didn’t, clean up was easy because I was already in the tub!! My dad was constantly on call for every restaurant for anything that even sounded good to me to eat. There were times he would go get something and by the time he brought it home the thought of that food made me sick so he’d have to go out again for something else. It gets hard cause once you throw something up you don’t want it again so your options keep getting smaller and smaller. It’s also very expensive.
One Sunday afternoon, my parents and Noelani came home from church. My mom starting to pack up our stuff and said we were going home tomorrow and she was coming with us and I was just going to have to make the trip. I started to cry because I thought she was just sick of us and she was crying to. She said at church a lady asked Noelani if her mommy was still sick and she said “Yes she is and I’m sad because I don’t have a daddy anymore.” So my mom said we have to get her back to Tampa fast and I’m just going to have to come and live with you and that’s what we did. Frederic and one of my sweetest friends EVER that has dealt with this same thing 4 times got the house all ready for me to come home. Erin knew that my husband was home for 2 months alone and she also knows that I need a clean house so she gathered up some friends to clean up the house and got me a nice gift basket of movies and candles and magazines and prepared a nice welcome home for me. My mom stayed with us for another month and then had to go home. I was doing ok at that point. Only getting sick maybe every other day or so. Finally I thought I was over it and started to eat some more satisfying meals. Well I was wrong and one night I started to get sick in our hallway bathroom and it was so violent and loud that it woke Frederic up across our house and he came out of our room upset because he thought I was moving furniture across the tile floor. He was shocked when he found out that sound was me throwing up. I actually bruised my esophagus so badly it burned for days after that. Frederic talked to the midwives about that one specific incident and they said they were giving me a few more days and then they would put in a feeding tube because I still wasn’t gaining weight and I was only 3 months away from Maleia being born. That was the last time I threw up with her.
So I give all this background to say that it’s starting with this pregnancy now too. It’s coming on fast and I’m very close to being very sick and I just can’t stand the thought of it right now. These last few days have shown me some pregnancy fury and I’m just shocked at how quickly I can remember just how bad this all really is. I have so much work that I do for my family and the church and I just don’t want to stop all of that right now. I’m saddened to say that a couple people have said hurtful things like “Again…why are they doing that again?” Most people are supportive and congratulate us on our new little blessing but it amazed me how there are people who don’t see the beauty in this situation. There are people who would rather focus on the trials rather than the miracle of life. I have seen a few of my friends go through this and though I don’t wish this on them I really am happy that they are having another child.
Right now Noelani and I are really enjoying homeschooling and I just don’t know if I can do it while I’m sick and can’t move. I have already had her helping me with things while I lay and rest and try to not be sick and I just feel like I’m putting too much on her right now. She’s only 5 and I don’t want to put so much on her.
And Maleia. I just cry every time I think about her and me being so sick (remember I said I was emotional!!). I remember with Maleia’s pregnancy there were days that I would only see Noelani for a few minutes as she was waking up or going to bed because I couldn’t do anything but lay there. I just don’t feel like I’m ready to have to do that with Maleia. She is so attached to me right now and at night she has started to want me to rock her till she falls asleep. I am still nursing her and will as long as I make milk and she wants to but I’m talking about her just wanting to rock with me. This is special for me because she has never liked to cuddle and I never pushed that on her and now she wants to rock and cuddle and I’m starting to not be able to do that because I can’t stand the motion or sitting up. I just feel like she needs me and I can’t be there the way she needs to me be.
And my husband. This is another hard one. He needs a lot of support and encouragement and help from his helpmeet and right now it’s kinda the flip side of that. He works so hard and he is struggling with helping me around the house. He is still doing more than most husbands do for their wives but I don’t know how long he can last at this. His job has him working about 60+ hours a week plus he is preaching 2 sermons a week and teaching the adult Bible class on Sunday and Wednesday and he is involved in 3 Bible studies during the week (some at night and some on his lunch hour. I say lunch hour because he only gets 1 lunch hour a week). These studies are so important right now because one of the men he is studying with is getting very close to obeying the gospel and the other is with a woman that is fighting cancer and is also asking questions and making statements that make him think she is also very close to that as well. The other is a prayer meeting that the congregation participates in which is uplifting to see so many that take extra time to pray for others. Since his salary at his job was just cut 12.5% (got to get that 0.5% in there!!! It makes a difference!) and we don’t have health insurance right now; he has decided to go back to graduate school for his MBA starting in January. He will be eligible for student loan money in January and April which will total the amount of the birth center’s prenatal care and labor and delivery costs. He will be finished with his MBA in August just days before the baby is to arrive. He is also conducting 4 meetings this year and so that will be something else that we will have to consider in regards to him leaving us with me being sick. Our family is very excited about these meetings and so we want to be able to travel with him if possible and if we can’t, we want to be able to support him as he travels. They are all great opportunities that we are excited and honored to be involved in.
We would really love for him to be “just” preaching and not working outside of that but right now our congregation just can’t support us fully and so his additional job is our only option. We are looking into the option of outside support and how we want to go about getting it so that we can slow down a little bit.
I am very scared and unsure of what our future holds for us. I feel like I’m doing this for the first time again. I haven’t ever done this when my husband was preaching and traveling with gospel meetings and finishing up a graduate program. At the beginning and the end of the sicknesses, there were several times that I would go to worship services and end up laying in the pew in the nursery to try to not throw up. I don’t know that the preacher’s wife can do that with her 2 children (one of which isn’t so quiet in church) running around the nursery while her husband is preaching away! I don’t know how my children can go to church without me for several months while they don’t have their mother or their father at services, especially when Maleia is in need CONSTANT instruction about how to behave in worship services. And if I don’t send them to church, how am I going to manage to watch them when they are healthy and I’m sick in bed. They need to go to church. I need some rest while they are gone. With the other 2 pregnancies, I always had Saturdays when Frederic would take Noelani and do all the errands, etc. while I would rest all day and not feel guilty about just laying around. Since he’s preaching and will be in school in a couple weeks, Saturdays aren’t really like that anymore.
So what to do, what to do? These Bible studies with the lost, preaching for our new church family, homeschooling, rocking my “not so much a baby anymore” baby to sleep and gospel meetings are all things our family is more than happy to participate in. The graduate school stuff is not that essential to us but we need that to be able to cover the cost of the new little one so that is a necessary thing for us right now. I pray that we will be able to continue to participate in all of these things. That is what is going through my mind and running through my heart these days. But I just keep thinking that God knows what is going on in our lives and he also gave us this baby for a reason. He also knows that this is how I produce children and that it is hard on everyone around me. Maybe God is just working on my faith. Maybe God knows that I have a tendency to do everything and to not accept help and he is working on that in me. Maybe God wants me to try to get some rest and this is the only way He knew I would have to lay down and rest! Maybe God is creating an opportunity for others to serve my family and for many people to enjoy the precious blessing of a new life. Maybe God just wants us to have another baby and I’m thinking too much about it!
So I say all of this to ask for prayers. I don’t want anyone to think I am complaining about this BECAUSE I AM NOT! I am thrilled to be pregnant again and hope that God blesses us with even more children in the future. This is a small price to pay for the joy we receive from our children. I really mean that. It is. We have always wanted a large family and this isn’t going to stop us. All of this has made me stronger and tougher and even though giving birth naturally 2 times wasn’t the easiest thing I’ve ever done, I would do that 10 times for each child over this whole throwing up for several months thing!
So please pray for me as I begin my decent into throwupland. It’s not a good place to go but I am traveling there now and will be deep in the heart of it shortly. But on the bright side, at the other end of my travels through throwupland, is my new sweet little baby that I will get to meet and hold and nurse and sing to in August. Another little addition to our family that makes us a little more complete. That is my trade for my travels to throwupland. So here I go! And remember…please pray for me and my husband and my 2 girls who need their mommy and my little baby who is growing a heart this week. How cool is that?!?!
OK thanks for reading this REALLY LONG post. It didn't seem so long when I was typing it but it sure is long when I posted it.
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